The research behind it

Kids tend to thrive in a sport when three needs are met: feeling capable, feeling that the decisions are theirs, and feeling connected to the people around them. The theory lines up reasons for playing on a range: playing for a reward or because a parent requires it, playing to avoid guilt or to please parents, seeing value in it, and playing for the joy of it. Kids who play for enjoyment and feel the choice is theirs put in more practice time and show more commitment. Parents pushing a kid to keep playing is named as one thing that undercuts that sense of choice.

Key sourcesDeci & Ryan (1985, 2002); Ryan & Deci (2000, 2007); Mageau & Vallerand (2003)

When people learn a physical skill, they get feedback from the movement itself (what they see, hear and feel) and sometimes extra feedback from a coach or video. Getting that extra feedback too often tends to make learners lean on it instead of their own read. Letting learners choose when they get feedback, and having them estimate their own performance before hearing from a coach, has been linked to better learning. These studies were done with learners and instructors; the site applies them to a parent after a game.

Key sourcesSalmoni, Schmidt & Walter (1984); Winstein & Schmidt (1990); Janelle et al. (1995, 1997); Chiviacowsky & Wulf (2002); Post, Aiken, Laughlin & Fairbrother (2016)

How a player explains a result (whether the cause was in them or outside them, whether it will happen again, whether it was in their control) affects what they do next. After a win, crediting something of their own that is lasting and in their control is the pattern expected to keep motivation up. After a loss, the more adaptive pattern is that it was not solely down to their ability, it can be different next time, and it is about this one game.

Key sourcesHeider (1958); Weiner (1985, 1986)

When a player explains failure as due to their own lack of ability, as something that will keep happening, and as true across other areas of life, they can stop trying or pull back effort, because effort no longer seems to make a difference. It has been linked to depression. Research on this in sport is limited.

Key sourcesAbramson, Seligman & Teasdale (1978); Martinek, Crowe & Rejeski (1982); Walling & Martinek (1995)

Players can focus on their own effort and improvement or on how they compare to others. Kids only become able to compare ability around the teen years, and a shift toward comparison is one explanation for why motivation can drop then, especially for kids who decide they are less able. Team climates run by coaches who reward beating others and spotlight stars are linked to burnout and dropout.

Key sourcesNicholls (1979, 1984, 1989); Ames (1992); Duda & Nicholls (1992); Newton, Duda & Yin (2000); Fry & Moore (2019)

Confidence comes from several sources. One of them is feedback and encouragement from parents, coaches, teammates and teachers. Encouragement from others is also one of the things that shapes a player's belief that they can do a skill; one example given is a parent encouraging a child after a strikeout.

Key sourcesBandura (1977, 1997); Vealey (1986, 2001); Vealey et al. (1998)

Trained practitioners help people tell their story by listening closely, saying back what they heard without stretching past the person's words and meaning, and asking questions that give the person room to say more rather than leading them. Leading or closed questions, too many questions, and back-to-back questions are named as ways questioning can go wrong. This was written for practitioners talking with clients; the site applies it to a parent and a kid.

Key sourcesIvey, Ivey & Zalaquett (2018); Andersen (2000); Holstein & Gubrium (2011)

Motivational interviewing is a collaborative way of talking with someone that helps them find their own reasons and solutions instead of being persuaded. Its four principles are summed up as resisting the urge to set someone right, understanding, listening, and empowering. Its core skills are open questions, affirmations, reflective listening and summarizing. It was built for practitioners and their clients, not tested with parents. It grew out of a less directive counseling style, and some clients, children among them, may need more direction than that style gives.

Key sourcesMiller (1983); Rollnick & Miller (1995); Miller & Rollnick (2013); Markland & Vansteenkiste (2007)

Noticing your own state is described as arguably the first step in handling emotions. Slow breathing is a common way to settle, for example a long breath out (in for 5, out for 7). How you read a situation drives how strong your reaction is. Rethinking a situation is described as one of the most effective strategies, while pushing feelings down appears to have the opposite effect. Letting a hard feeling be there, rather than fighting it, is the acceptance approach, though strong claims about its benefits for athletes are hard to make. This research is about performers handling their own emotions; the site applies it to a parent settling before talking to their kid.

Key sourcesRavizza & Fifer (2015); Weinberg (2010); Lazarus (2000); Gross (2013); Webb, Miles & Sheeran (2012); Hayes et al. (2006)

Things that have nothing to do with the task, like worry, fatigue, or a teammate's mistake, can pull focus, and pressure can make it worse. Distractions can come from inside (overthinking, past mistakes, fatigue) or outside (coaches, officials, parents, fans). Thinking about mechanics during competition may pull a player out of automatic play and could hurt performance. Routines help a performer focus and refocus. This research is about performers; the site applies it to a parent's attention in the car.

Key sourcesWine (1971); Baumeister (1984); Masters & Maxwell (2008); Nicholls, Holt & Polman (2005)

Outcome goals are about results like winning. Performance goals are about personal numbers like a personal best. Process goals are about how you do something, and they give the road map toward the result. Process and performance goals have been found more effective at improving performance, and outcome goals are not fully in a person's control. Helping a person decide for themselves what to work on builds ownership of their goals, which may help. Specific, action-oriented goals are a standard guideline, though researchers disagree on whether specific goals beat "do your best" goals.

Key sourcesLocke & Latham (1990, 2002); Burton, Naylor & Holliday (2002); Kingston & Wilson (2009)

Athlete burnout is described as emotional and physical exhaustion, a reduced sense of accomplishment, and caring less about the sport. One model lists too much training, school demands, stressful relationships, too little recovery, early success and heavy performance demands among its causes, with early signs such as mood changes, lower motivation and slipping performance. Much is still unknown, especially about prevention and treatment; the advice is training plans with enough recovery built in.

Key sourcesGustafsson, Kenttä & Hassmén (2011); Gustafsson, DeFreese & Madigan (2017); Meeusen et al. (2013)