Your kid is in a slump. What do you say?
Your daughter hasn’t had a hit in three weeks. She’s pressing, trying harder and harder at the plate, and it isn’t helping. She’s quieter at dinner. Slumps are hard to watch because nothing you say seems to fix them, and the urge to fix them grows every game.
You can’t hit for her. You can help keep one bad stretch from becoming who she thinks she is.
Your first reaction
What you’ll want to say
The words that come first on a night like this, why they come so easily, and why they tend to miss.
The first adds one more voice to a head that’s probably already full of tips from coaches and teammates. The second is kind, and it answers her with a prediction before asking how she sees it.
Your own historyHave you been in a rut where every piece of advice made it worse?
The idea
What’s really going on
The one idea that explains tonight, in plain words.
Watch how she explains the slump, not just the numbers.
Think of a stretch at work when nothing went right. “This project is a mess” and “I’m bad at my job” feel very different by Friday.
“I’m hitting it hard, right at people.”
“I’ve been late on fastballs.”About this stretch: bad luck, or something she can work on.
“I can’t hit anymore.”
“I just suck.”She blames herself, and it sounds permanent. When a kid explains setbacks this way, and it spreads beyond softball, she can stop trying because effort no longer seems to matter.
More advice may not be the answer. Players who get frequent tips tend to lean on them instead of their own feel. And thinking about mechanics during a game, like where her hands are, can pull her out of just competing.
Based on: attribution theory, learned helplessness research, motor learning research on feedback, and research on attention under pressure
The ride home
In the car
What to do, in the order it comes up.
If the slump is weighing on you too, settle your own worry before you bring up the slump. She can usually tell when you’re worried.
If not, let it be. If she wants to talk:
What you might hear
“I’m hitting it hard right at people.” That’s a healthy explanation: the swing is there and the hits aren’t. Let it stand.
That’s the explanation to listen for. Rather than arguing with it, ask about one at-bat. One at-bat is something she can look at.
She has a lot of voices in her ear. Tonight, the most helpful thing may be one less voice giving advice.
Then keep it going. Say back what you heard, in their words, or ask about one thing they mentioned, in a way that leaves the answer to them: “Tell me about the one you hit hard.” The urge to fix it, or to talk them out of how they feel, is your cue to do one of these instead.
Her to decide: what to work on, and whose advice to listen to.
Practice
Try it
A rep before the real thing. Pick what you’d most likely say, and you’ll see how it tends to land with your kid, from shutting them down to opening them up.
Your daughter is sixteen and hitless in her last twelve at-bats. In the car she says, “I can’t hit anymore.” What do you say?
How this tends to land with your kid
Practice
Then what?
This is where most parents slip back into old habits. Pick what you’d say next.
You say, “Walk me through one of your at-bats tonight.” She says, “Second one, I hit it hard. Right at the shortstop. Like always.” What do you say next?
How this tends to land with your kid
You can’t hit for her. You can help keep one bad stretch from becoming who she thinks she is.
Practice this one with your own kid
Practice every ride home. The full version, $149 once:
- Unlimited practice rides, any night, with your own kid’s details
- More than a dozen common nights for your kid’s sport, or describe your own
- Full notes on every line you try, not just the highlights
- Three short lessons: what to notice at the game, how to ask in the car, and how to leave what’s next to them
- Help that steps back as you get better, so you need it less
- A free second seat for whoever else drives your kid home
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