Should your kid play AAU?
Your son is fourteen. An AAU team plays weekend tournaments in the spring and summer. Sign-ups close Friday, the deposit is real money, and he says everybody’s doing it. It’s a big decision for the whole family, which makes it easy to forget that the reason for playing is his to find.
Whether he plays AAU matters less than whether the reason is his.
Your first reaction
What you’ll want to say
The words that come first on a night like this, why they come so easily, and why they tend to miss.
One pushes him toward it. The other decides it for him. Either way, the reason he plays becomes yours.
Your own historyDid you ever sign up for something because everybody else was? How did that go?
The idea
What’s really going on
The one idea that explains tonight, in plain words.
Whose reason is it?
Think of a gym membership you bought because a friend did, and something you signed up for because you wanted it. Which one did you actually use?
“I want to play more games.”
“I want to play against better guards.”Kids who play because they want to tend to practice more and stay more committed.
“Everybody’s doing it.”
“My dad wants me to.”Kids who play mainly to keep parents or friends happy tend to have less of their own drive for it.
How much he’d be doing matters too. Burnout is when a kid ends up worn out, feels like he’s accomplishing less, and cares less about the sport. Researchers list too much training, school demands, and too little recovery among the things that can lead to it.
Based on: self-determination theory and burnout research
The ride home
When it comes up
What to do, in the order it comes up.
Notice whether the urgency is his or yours. AAU can be exciting for parents too: the tournaments, the better competition, the other families.
What you might hear
That’s his own reason. Walk through what a season would actually look like: weekends, travel, school.
Worth knowing. Ask what he thinks about the coach’s advice.
Then he doesn’t have a reason of his own yet. That’s okay. He has until Friday to think about what he’d want from it.
Then keep it going. Say back what you heard, in their words, or ask about one thing they mentioned, in a way that leaves the answer to them: “Tell me about the tournaments.” The urge to fix it, or to talk them out of how they feel, is your cue to do one of these instead.
His to decide: whether he wants to play, for his own reasons.
Yours to decide: the money, the travel, and the family schedule. Name those limits after you’ve heard him.
Practice
Try it
A rep before the real thing. Pick what you’d most likely say, and you’ll see how it tends to land with your kid, from shutting them down to opening them up.
Your son is fourteen. Sign-ups close Friday. He says, “Everybody’s doing AAU.” What do you say?
How this tends to land with your kid
Practice
Then what?
This is where most parents slip back into old habits. Pick what you’d say next.
You say, “Tell me what you like about it.” He says, “The tournaments look fun. And Coach Davis said I’d play point guard.” What do you say next?
How this tends to land with your kid
Whether he plays AAU matters less than whether the reason is his.
Practice this one with your own kid
Practice every ride home. The full version, $149 once:
- Unlimited practice rides, any night, with your own kid’s details
- More than a dozen common nights for your kid’s sport, or describe your own
- Full notes on every line you try, not just the highlights
- Three short lessons: what to notice at the game, how to ask in the car, and how to leave what’s next to them
- Help that steps back as you get better, so you need it less
- A free second seat for whoever else drives your kid home
“I was genuinely so impressed (and shocked!) at how it adapted the examples and language based on the specific sport I selected.”
Not helping after 30 days? Full refund, no questions asked.
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