What should your kid work on this off-season?
The season ended last week. Your daughter has a long off-season ahead, and other kids are already posting workout videos. She tells you she doesn’t know what to work on. It’s the most tempting time of year to hand her a plan.
The off-season tends to go best when the plan is hers. Your part is asking the questions and naming the limits.
Your first reaction
What you’ll want to say
The words that come first on a night like this, why they come so easily, and why they tend to miss.
A plan feels like support, and more training feels safer than less. But an off-season she didn’t choose gives her less reason to make it her own, and more isn’t always better.
Your own historyThink of a goal you set for yourself, and one someone set for you. Which one did you actually work at?
The idea
What’s really going on
The one idea that explains tonight, in plain words.
Small steps toward a goal that’s hers
Think of “get in shape” versus “walk 20 minutes after dinner.” The first is where you want to end up. The second is what you actually do on a Tuesday.
“Make varsity.”A fine goal. On its own, it doesn’t say what to do this week.
“Get better at passing.”A goal about how she plays. It’s the road map to the bigger one.
“Fifty serves after school.”Small daily goals help keep people going toward the big one.
Feeling the choices are hers is part of what keeps kids motivated. And rest counts. Burnout is when a kid ends up worn out, feels like she’s accomplishing less, and cares less about the sport. Researchers list too much training and too little recovery among the things that can lead to it.
Based on: goal-setting research, self-determination theory, and burnout research
The ride home
When it comes up
What to do, in the order it comes up.
Before you answer, notice whether the urgency is hers or yours. Other kids’ workout videos can make it feel like she’s already behind.
Then:
What you might hear
That’s where she wants to end up. Ask what she’d need to be better at to get there. That turns it into something she can work on each week.
A start. Ask, “Stronger how?” A specific answer is something she can work on.
Rest is a real answer. Let it stand, and check back after the holidays.
Then keep it going. Say back what you heard, in their words, or ask about one thing they mentioned, in a way that leaves the answer to them: “Tell me about the early part of the season.” The urge to fix it, or to talk them out of how they feel, is your cue to do one of these instead.
Hers to decide: what to work on, how much, and whether to rest first.
Yours to decide: what the family can put in, in money and time. Name those limits plainly.
Practice
Try it
A rep before the real thing. Pick what you’d most likely say, and you’ll see how it tends to land with your kid, from shutting them down to opening them up.
The season ended last week. Your daughter says, “I don’t know what to work on this off-season.” What do you say?
How this tends to land with your kid
Practice
Then what?
This is where most parents slip back into old habits. Pick what you’d say next.
You ask, “What did you think of your season?” She says, “I passed well early. Then I kind of fell apart at the end.” What do you say next?
How this tends to land with your kid
The off-season tends to go best when the plan is hers. Your part is asking the questions and naming the limits.
Practice every ride home. The full version, $149 once:
- Unlimited practice rides, any night, with your own kid’s details
- More than a dozen common nights for your kid’s sport, or describe your own
- Full notes on every line you try, not just the highlights
- Three short lessons: what to notice at the game, how to ask in the car, and how to leave what’s next to them
- Help that steps back as you get better, so you need it less
- A free second seat for whoever else drives your kid home
“I was genuinely so impressed (and shocked!) at how it adapted the examples and language based on the specific sport I selected.”
Not helping after 30 days? Full refund, no questions asked.
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