“Coach moved me to linebacker.”What do you say?

Step 1 of 5

What would you say?

A rep before the real thing. Pick what you’d most likely say, and you’ll see how it tends to land with your kid, from shutting them down to opening them up.

Step 2 of 5

What you’ll want to say

The words that come first on a night like this, why they come so easily, and why they tend to miss.

Both take his side. Both also settle what the move means, and what to do about it, before he’s had his say.

Your own historyDid a coach ever move you somewhere you didn’t want to play? What did you want to hear?

Step 3 of 5

What’s really going on

The one idea that explains tonight, in plain words.

His position is a question for another day

Coaches move players for lots of reasons. The team needs bodies there, they think his size or speed fits it, they want him on the field somewhere, or they simply see it differently than you do. Some of those are fair and some aren’t, and you won’t sort out which on the drive home.

What tonight can affect is how he feels about his place on the team, which is what keeps kids in a sport over time. Three things help:

Why the coach moved him is worth asking, and mostly between him and his coach. Tonight, let him decide what it means.

Based on: self-determination theory

Step 4 of 5

In the car

What to do, in the order it comes up.

What you might hear Tap one

Then keep it going. Say back what you heard, in their words, or ask about one thing they mentioned, in a way that leaves the answer to them: “Tell me about practice this week.” The urge to fix it, or to talk them out of how they feel, is your cue to do one of these instead.

Step 5 of 5

Then what?

This is where most parents slip back into old habits. Pick what you’d say next.

Whose call is it?